Path to Redemption
by SyfyRomantic
Summary: What happened after Anna and Bates' conversation at the pub?


A/N: This story contains spoilers for episode 2x03. I wrote this in the hopes of inspiring other A/B shippers out there to write more fanfiction. I need something to tide me over between Sundays. Anyway, Downton gives us plenty of opportunities to fill in the gaps that Mr. Fellowes has left out of the script...and that was my aim in writing this.

Path to Redemption

As I stepped off the bus, I took a look around. The village seemed nice enough…very quiet. I got my bearings and took a few steps toward the pub. Before entering, I stopped for a minute, concentrating on my breathing, trying to get my heart under control. I don't know why the thought of seeing him again had affected me so. I felt like a young girl, trying to get the courage to talk to a boy she liked. If anything, I should be angry, not nervous. I suppose I was a little of both. My inner dialogue was prompting me forward, 'It's now or never, Anna Smith.'

I opened the door to the pub and came face to face with a set of inner doors. The window panes in the doors were frosted, but there were enough unfrosted bits in the pattern for me to peek through. He was there, right before my eyes. I could see him behind the counter, walking with a little limp. 'So Lady Mary's information was correct…' My stomach tightened at the knowledge that he was a mere 10 feet from me and he had no idea I was there. For a brief second I felt like turning around and walking back out the door. Would he be angry I had found him? Would he be happy? I had to do this though. I had to talk to him. At the least, I deserved an explanation. If he was going to reject me again, I wouldn't go without him explaining why.

I opened the frosted door and stepped through, the bell on the door ringing out my presence. He was still behind the counter, his back to me, pouring a drink. He turned around with the drink, and that's when he saw me. He finished his exchange with the man at the counter, all the while never taking his eyes off of me. My heart was racing again. I couldn't read his expression. Was he happy to see me or not? I had to be strong, I had to follow through. As much as I wanted to say 'hi' or to ask 'Mr. Bates, how could you leave me', or even just start off with 'I still love you, you know.' I found something much more neutral: "Might I have a glass of cider?" I stepped towards the counter, wanting this all to be easier. In another lifetime, could we have been married by now. We could have been making our life together. Why did this lifetime have to be so difficult?

He looked unsure of himself, "I don't know if I've dreaded this moment, or longed for it."

As much as I wish he had said how happy he was to see me, he didn't. As much as I wanted for him to come around the counter and take me in his arms, he didn't. Frustration boiled up in me: 'You can be so damn frustrating Mr. John Bates! Why can't you just do what is right for us, and not what you think is right in the eyes of the rest of society?' My words didn't follow my thoughts, but my frustrations made themselves know in my tone of voice, "Well either way, it's happened."

He seemed mildly surprised by my tone, but he didn't say anything further. Without taking his eyes off of me, he poured me a half of cider. "Anna, I want to talk to you, will you stay until I can get Fred over there to cover the bar?" I nodded my head and he indicated that I should sit at an empty table over by the windows.

I sat down with my cider and watched John at work. A few minutes later, the other barman was at the bar and John made his way towards me. He indicated the seat opposite me as if asking me permission to sit down. I nodded, and he pulled out the chair. We sat there for a minute, just looking at one another. I felt that familiar tingling in my stomach, the way one feels when standing on a high platform. Perhaps I was standing on a precipice, one in which my future happiness could go either way.

If John was only going to have a few minutes break, I decided we need to start talking. "Mr. Bates, were you in the village the other day? It's only…well I was in the village, and I could have sworn I saw you there. When I went to look for you, you were gone."

John looked a little sheepish. "It was me." He paused when I looked at him expectantly, "I knew you used to go into the village on a Wednesday. I so longed for a glimpse of you."

At this, my stomach tingled a little more. If he wanted to see me that meant that he still had feelings for me. I couldn't let myself forget that I was still angry at him, that he still owed me an explanation. And I couldn't forget our current situation either. He was still married after all. "But why are you up here at all?" (Where is Vera?) "And why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I wanted to get things settled first. You see, I've discovered that Vera has been unfaithful to me. I've got proof."

I don't know why I said my next words, because I surely wasn't defending her actions. Thinking back on it, I think I was angry at John, and I wanted to let him know I was hurt. "We can't criticize her for that."

John knew I was angry, and I could sense his apology in his next words. His voice was nearer a whisper, "No, but I can divorce her. It means that I've had to leave the house to prove that it has broken the marriage." John paused for a moment, and I could tell he was letting me know his next words were important. "So I came up here to be nearer you."

"But what if she fights it?" I couldn't let myself hope that things would suddenly work themselves out, and having met Vera once, I knew it wouldn't be as simple as this.

"She can't. For her to divorce me, she needs something beyond adultery – cruelty or such like. For a husband, adultery is enough."

Again, my anger and hurt won out, "that doesn't seem very fair to women." What did I care? If it meant John could divorce, then I should be happy about that.

John's sudden fury surprised me, "I don't care about fairness. I care about you." This caused me to turn my head back to look at John, and that's when I saw his love for me reflected in his eyes. A minute ago I was angry, but now, I was just hurt and I wanted things to be right between us again.

He continued on, "the point is, I can get rid of her. If she goes quietly, I will give her money and plenty of it. If not, she leaves empty-handed."

I couldn't let my hope get the best of me yet. "And when will this be?"

"I need to get her to accept it first. She's made threats about selling stuff to the papers."

I was curious what he meant, "What stuff?"

I could sense his protectiveness in his answer. "Don't worry about it. They won't offer her what I will." I could tell he didn't want to talk about Vera anymore. I knew I was correct when he changed the subject, "You've changed your hair."

And suddenly, with that, I wasn't angry anymore. I couldn't help but smile to myself at the realization. "I was trying out Lady Mary's new curling iron. What do you think?"

I was not prepared for his answer. His voice was still low and melted me to my core. "I think I would love you however…whenever…whatever." Those perfect words resonated in my head. I knew I would stop at nothing to have this man. If I had to fight Vera tooth and nail, I would. For now, all I knew was that I wanted to be with this man in every way possible. My next words vocalized this need.

"We don't have to wait you know. If you want me to throw up everything and come with you, I would you know. Gladly"

His answer was practical. "I can't marry you. Not yet, not legally. And I won't break the law."

My need was so great, I didn't want to wait for marriage. "It's not against the law to take a mistress, Mr. Bates." I would gladly live in sin with this man if he would have me.

John paused for a minute, evaluating my words, weighing the situation. He opened up his hands on the table, palm up, beckoning me to take them. I lifted my gloved hands from my lap and placed them in his. The warmth of his hands seeped through my gloves. Oh how I longed for hours with those hands…holding, touching, caressing, exploring.

Finally, he spoke. "I know you Anna Smith, and I love you, and that is not the right path for you." Another pause, "it won't be long now." And I couldn't help but share his optimism.

I continued to hold his hands as I ruminated on our conversation. I felt we had said a lot, but there was still a lot more ground to cover. "Where do we go from here?"

"Well, I have to return to work, but I get off in an hour. What time does the bus take you back to Downton?"

"Half eight"

"Can I buy you dinner when I get off?" He didn't wait for an answer, "Take an hour to discover the village, and meet me back here. There's a restaurant down the road where we can go."

I smiled at John and walked towards the doors. He caught me by the arm before I walked out. "I love you Anna Smith, and despite everything, I still want to be with you – if you'll have me that is."

I echoed his words from earlier, "I'll have you John Bates, however…whenever…whatever." And with another shy smile, I walked out the door.

On the bus ride home, I found I couldn't stop smiling. My mind was busy reconstructing the entire evening so that I could relive it again and again. After dinner, John offered me his arm and we walked around the village and ended up alone in the park. There were many things we needed to talk about, but by mutual unspoken agreement, we decided those things were better left for another day.

On the obscured path, John stopped walking and grabbed my hand from off his arm and placed it on his chest. He then slid his arms around my waist and pulled me in for a hug. I slid my hand from his chest and brought my arms up to clasp around his neck. The hug that he gave me was so loving and protective; we stayed that way for minutes. Eventually he pulled back and just stared into my eyes, memorizing their color in the fading daylight. I watched him watch me, and my eyes fluttered shut when he leaned in to kiss me. The first kiss was light and tentative. I could tell he was waiting to see how I would react. I pulled back and looked at him for a second and then brought my lips back to his. The second kiss was much more intense. John brought his hand up to my hair, pulling my head in tighter and I brought my body as close into his as I could. I could feel John's mouth opening under mine, and I opened mine to allow him access. Our tongues brushed together and I could taste desire on his lips and in his mouth and I could feel it along the expanse where our bodies touched. I moved my arms to hug his midsection, my hands making their way under his vest, his warmth penetrating my hands.

His mouth trailed a line from my lips to my neck where he bit me lightly and settled his lips there. "Oh Anna, how I want you."

"Please John, don't say such things. Not right now." As much as I wanted to hear them, it only made things harder. "I would be your mistress now if you would have me. You know I would. But I fear that you would not look at me the same."

"I would marry you tonight if I could. I would take you to my bed and make you my wife. Anna, you know I would not think any less of you were you to be my mistress, but you deserve better than that. I am hardly deserving of you as it is. The least I can do is make you my wife. As much as I want you, I will wait to have you properly." The way John whispered this made my insides flutter. I would have this man without a wedding vow. But I owed it to his sense of honor to do this properly.

I pulled back and gave him a cheeky grin. "Well that's settled then, John. Now I'd better go before I miss the bus, otherwise my reputation will be tarnished for something we both want to do but haven't done."

John chuckled and gave me his arm as we started back towards the bus stop. "Will you come see me again. On a day off?"

"Of course I will, you silly beggar. Write to me with your address so that we can work out a day."

We stood at the bus stop, not wanting to part. When we saw the headlights in the distance, John took me in his arms and gave me a long, slow kiss. Before he let go, he whispered in my ear, "I love you, Anna."

"I love you, John. I'll see you soon." With that I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and stepped onto the bus.

When I arrived back at Downton, I touched my lips, remembering the feel of John's mouth on mine. It wouldn't be long now until I could feel those lips on mine again and again…

Please let me know what you think. I don't consider myself a great writer (this is not a beg for compliments), so I know there is a lot of room for improvement. I am open to criticism.

Thanks for reading...and thanks to those others who write!


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